Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My balls are so social today.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
