I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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