well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
