Where is the hickey?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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