We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
