tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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