he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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