they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
