yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
