After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
