I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
