This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
