Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
