yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
