Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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