No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
