Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
