i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
