i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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