Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
