He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
