I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
