ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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