Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to make out with him forever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
