Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
