none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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