I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
