I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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