He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Swine flu is the new snow day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
