these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
