I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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