sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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