Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's blow job season.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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