The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
