FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
