She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
