i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
