when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Less talking, more tequila
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
