Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
