5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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