I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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