well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
