RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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