Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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