i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
