She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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