How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
