How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just pynch a tree in the face
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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