im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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