I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
