you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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