Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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