So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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