Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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