But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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