I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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