babies were throwing up all over the place
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
